A Modest Proposal re healthcare

The real issue, if you ask me, is that some rich folks just HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT when poorer people get the same stuff they do.

So, let’s have the public option be a bare-bones (no pun intended) basic-care kinda thing that everybody gets – BUT then we also let insurance companies sell ancillary policies that allow those who can afford the premiums into a new tier of exclusive high-class medical service – call it “luxury care,” or “boutique care,” or whatever. Then the rich can feel that they’re getting the “special treatment they deserve,” and the rest of us can, you know, survive.

This special BoutiqueCare coverage would include such items as:

  • King-size hospital beds with silk sheets (with ceiling mirrors also available)
  • Specially designed padded & prewarmed bedpans
  • Your very own personal full-time “medical assistant” catering to your every need, desire, whim, or (in some states) kink
  • Full-wall plasma TVs w/unlimited movies & surround-sound
  • Multicourse gourmet meals; full wine list (“For taking the amoxycillin, sir, may I suggest the 1953 Chateau de Quelque-Chose…”)
  • Physical therapists who provide some REAL physical therapy, if you know what I mean
  • All the capricious and impulsive plastic surgeries, liposuctions, botox treatments, penile or mammary enhancements, pacemakers, internal defibrillators, etc. you can stand
  • Handcrafted platinum-lined arterial grafts made of fine Corinthian leather
  • 1 free organ-of-your-choice transplant/yr
  • Diamond-studded colonoscopes

and of course, the soon-to-be-popular and much-in-demand kakaosmectomy (after which your **** no longer stinks).

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