A Dylan Carol

Bob Dylan, as you may have heard, recently released an album of Christmas standards. Reviews have been, uh, mixed. Nonetheless, here’s a piece of what we might have expected instead….

I ain’t gonna work in Santa’s Workshop no more
I ain’t gonna work in Santa’s Workshop no more
They make me follow the rules like any other elf
Never get a chance to just be myself
These pointy shoes they make my feet so sore
I ain’t gonna work in Santa’s Workshop no more

I ain’t gonna work for Mrs Claus no more
I ain’t gonna work for Mrs Claus no more
Well, yeah, she’s very nice, and yeah, she’s oh-so-sweet
But she’s obsessive-compulsive when it comes to bein’ neat
She’ll make ya lick the crumbs off the workshop floor
I ain’t gonna work for Mrs Claus no more

I ain’t gonna work with Rudolph no more
I ain’t gonna work with Rudolph no more
Despite all the stardom he’s a nice enough fellow
But he’s got his stall decked out like some New Orleans bordello
No one can sleep between the blinking and the snore
I ain’t gonna work with Rudolph no more

I ain’t gonna load up Santa’s sleigh no more
No, I ain’t gonna load up Santa’s sleigh no more
You people want so much, you’ll break the poor man’s back
You’d think once in a while you could just cut the man some slack
Make stuff yourself, or buy it at the store
I ain’t gonna load up Santa’s sleigh no more

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