The Rider with the Red Nose (from The Anticalypse of Sebastian of Appalachia)

2. the rider with the red nose

“And lo, the next angel blew upon his trumpet, but the sound was not as the other trumpets, but more like unto a goat or a sheep bleating, or like the passing of gas; then did I behold a great white horse, a stallion bedecked with ribbons, which pranced as it advanced; and upon it was a rider, a rider with a red nose, and a pointed hat of many colors; and likewise did his clothes have many colors; and his shoes were as large as the shoes of two men together. And he rode amongst the nations, sometimes standing upon the horse, sometimes riding backwards, sometimes hanging off to one side; and one-third of the armies were felled because they slipped upon peels of fruit, and one-third of the armies were felled because their pants were suddenly around their ankles, and one-third were felled by the cream pies which the red-nosed one flung into their midst. And great therefore was the confusion among the armies of men, and there was much wailing, and gnashing, and kvetching amongst them; and their kings and generals did tear at their hair in their rage, and kick their lieutenants in their keesters. And the Waters of Sel-tzer did spray all about, and great was the spluttering thereof. And the angels and the prophets and those around the Throne were seized with great laughter, and would have watered themselves indeed, had they had bladders with which to water themselves. And the Lamb declared, ‘Behold, that was a good one!’; for truly had the power of men been shown to be vain and of no avail.”

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