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Muslim Djinn, Mormon Angels Expected To Battle Over Key Election States
“Collateral Damage” On Physical Plane Possible, Say Clerics

ST. LOUIS (Plausible News Service) — From Alaska to Puerto Rico, the sound of the trumpets has been heard, and even as you read these words, loins are being girded in preparation for a great spiritual battle.

Armageddon? No, but close: Election Day 2012.

“Every election, of course, is a proxy war between the forces of light and the forces of darkness,” says Rev. Jeremiah Bellows, pastor of the First Church of Christ Ballistic in suburban St. Louis. “But this time around, I think we’ll see the two sides making their influence more – direct, let’s say.”

Some supporters of Gov. Mitt Romney, who has served as a Mormon bishop and “stake president,” believe that his recent gaffes and declining poll numbers are the result of direct demonic intervention. They also believe that the Infernal Hordes may be targeting individual supporters, either tempting them to reconsider their vote, or interfering in their ability to support Romney’s campaign.

“I saw a Romney campaign commercial, with that nice Mr. Ryan, and I decided to write a check right then and there,” said Mrs. Alexander Meateater of Kansas City. “Then my hand started to hurt like the dickens. I thought it was my arthritis flaring up, but then I looked at my hand and behold, my fingers had been transformed like unto writhing snakes.” She managed to call her pastor and dispel the attack “after an hour or so of intense spiritual warfare,” but the experience only strengthened her resolve. “Now I know what we’re up against,” she said.

A recent FOX News report raised another disturbing possibility. Entitled “The Djinn – Obama’s Secret Weapon?” the report alleges that the Obama campaign has been actively courting the support of the spiritual beings known in the Muslim world as the Djinn, sometimes mistakenly called “genies.”

“The Djinn are not the friendly, Robin Williams or Barbara Eden kind of genie that we’ve been trained to think of,” says Prof. Nasser Eddin of Harvard’s Institute for Interdimensional Relations. “If they want to, they can cause a lot of havoc – in particular, as ‘beings of smokeless fire,’ they could interfere with electronic voting systems, or even the Internet itself. But they are very unpredictable, and they are just as likely to turn on their friends as their enemies.”

(to be continued)


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