Plausible News: RESEARCHERS DISCOVER NEW EARLY WARNING SIGN FOR MEMORY LOSS

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“Keeping Ahead of Reality Since 2001”

RESEARCHERS DISCOVER NEW EARLY WARNING SIGN FOR MEMORY LOSS, ALZHEIMER’S, DEMENTIA IN ELDERS
Study: “These Kids Today” Syndrome Indicates Possible Onset of “Cerebral Sclerosis,” “Calcifying of Brain Pathways”

RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK, NC (Plausible News Service) – In a landmark study being released today, researchers at the Center for Social Senility identify a simple yet troubling behavioral indicator that predicts the possible onset of memory-related disorders.

Dubbed “Juvenile Disparagement Syndrome” by the authors – and informally nicknamed TKT, or “These Kids Today,” by the press – this pattern manifests in angry, blanket condemnations of younger generations as being disrespectful, undisciplined, and lazy.

“The consistency of the symptoms is remarkable,” said the director of the study, Dr. Judy Yuventude of Duke Medical School. “In our interviews with adults approaching old age, the exact same phrases kept cropping up. We suspect that the verbal aspects of this syndrome are actually learned behaviors – people seem to pick them up from one another, usually over a beer, or from listening to talk radio.”

The syndrome affects a specific kind of memory, said Dr. Yuventude. “In a majority of cases, people developing JDS have begun to forget a simple fact – they were young once, too, and they misbehaved just as much as kids today or for that matter centuries ago.”

Physiologically, the syndrome can cause certain thought patterns to become habitual – a kind of “cerebral sclerosis,” according Dr. Oleg Golfpants of UNC, another member of the team. “These attitudes become locked in – one might almost say the pathways become ‘calcified,’ in a sense. JDS provides a simple explanation for the subject’s incipient feelings of loss of control, and relieves them of having to think in depth about certain problems. Unfortunately, it also prevents the subject from resolving some of those fears and concerns.”

Treatment and prevention are possible, said the authors. “Interaction with actual young people on a regular basis – not just being with one’s grandchildren, but also volunteering at a school or with community organizations that work with children – can be very helpful in maintaining a realistic and even optimistic attitude about today’s youth,” said Dr. Yuventude.

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