Category Archives: Poems

Excerpt from The McAdooiad

(In my epic poem The McAdooiad, a political consultant leads an expedition to Hades to conduct a focus group there. While there, they are given a tour by the shade of someone who might be Mark Twain, or maybe Kurt Vonnegut. They travel to the section of Hell called the Vale of Conservative Commentators.)

“Hell has expanded, you know, since Dante’s day,” the guide explained.
“There are more than just nine rings now; indeed, there are more than nine sets of rings, and new construction continues apace.

But it cannot keep up with the influx of souls,

Hence your delays upon entry.

It’s more like a giant anti-amusement complex, a vast park of punishment, a mall of maulings, subdivisions of sufferings,
For those who could not, would not, dared not repent.

But for all the mass production, for all the identical rows of high-rises,

Still there are some who have rated their very own personal dooms, who have crafted their eternal homes, which even now await their architects

Somewhere in this Hell … here, see this vast, empty plain?
In the midst of this plain there is a table.
Behind the table is a comfortable leather chair.
On the table is a huge golden microphone, and an ashtray with a cigar.

There is a man who will be condemned
To sit behind that microphone forever, and smoke that cigar,

And talk and talk and talk and talk….

Trying to convince someone, anyone, that he does not belong there.
The microphone, however, will not be connected to anything.
Only he will hear himself, and he will hear only himself
But he will not even convince himself.

Because no one could ever make him change his mind.”

 

Limerick for The Hague

A fellow arrived at the Hague
With symptoms both dire and vague
When he spiked a fever
They called Unilever
Who said “Sounds to us like the plague.”

Poem for Eustace St. Meeting

In this time of such turbulence and strife
We come into the Silence and here reclaim our life

The powers of the world outside may be deeply shaken
But here, within, the Spirit quietly awakens

And when the touch of Light has eased our pain
We can re-emerge to face the World again

(written at Eustace St. Friends Meeting, Dublin, 5 March 2017)

eros vs isis (2015)

Now listen:
you wanna beat them?
really?
you really wanna beat them?
here’s how you defeat them,
those joyless sexless lifeless brainless idiots
those black-flagged lickers of Kalishnikovs
those bastards who confuse “giving head”
and decapitation:
here’s how you beat them, god damn it:
you beat them
with every mindless grunting spurt
with every beautiful joyful squirt
with every cry of “oh yes oh my god YES”
you drop a bunkerbuster on their heads
more powerful than a dozen cruise missiles
you wanna beat them
you wanna drive them insane
then you hit that dance floor
you grab that hot hunk of flesh from the shadows
the one that makes your knees quiver
and say DO IT TO ME NOW
you wanna send them scurrying
you wanna tell them that they don’t mean shit
then you refuse to play their game
you refuse to call off the party
you refuse to gird your loins
no, thrust your loins into their terrified faces
they cannot handle the fierceness of your desire
they will try to detonate your love
but you will pull them in
into helpless ecstasy

The Inauguration of Donald Trump (in the manner of Seuss)

It was a beautiful day, January two-zero
When the masses converged for their conquering hero.
There were flags, there were guns, there were babies in strollers
And long limousines full of happy high-rollers.

Jets flew overhead, and the music was cheery,
The people were proud. Some people were teary.
Some people were skinny, and others were fatter.
Some people were sad, but those folks didn’t matter.

There were huge TV screens all over the city
Showing pictures of mountains and other things pretty.
Pretty pictures of soldiers, pretty pictures of planes
Pretty pictures of cities devoured by flames.

A fanfare was played! The crowd gave a jump!
For there on the platform was Donald J. Trump!
He waved to the crowd! He held his thumbs high!
And the crowd as one man gave an audible sigh.

For here was the man who could save our great nation!
Even if things he said brought consternation
Even if there were questions about how he’d behaved
Who cared about that? Our land must be SAVED!

He strode to the podium! He repeated the oath!
His wife held the Bible! Then he kissed them both!
The crowd went bezerk! The crowd went insane!
For seventeen minutes they repeated his name!

“My fellow Americans,” the Donald declared,
“First let me say no one needs to be scared.
“I’m the President of everyone, right down to the last
“If you don’t know that now, you’d best learn it fast.

“We’re one country, one people, and I am your head.
“Those who don’t follow will soon wish they were dead.
“We salute just one flag, pray to only one God –
“The one who corrects with the staff and the rod.

“We’re gonna be strongest! We’re gonna be best!
“We’re gonna work hard, and we will not take a rest!
“No slackers! No malcontents! No one who bitches!
“No one who gets in the way of our riches!

“We’ll dig, and we’ll drill, and we’ll take apart mountains
“To build giant malls with beautiful fountains!
“My plans will be awesome! My plans will be bold!
“To start with, I’m plating the White House in GOLD!”

The crowd was ecstatic! They screamed themselves hoarse!
So simple! So obvious! So perfect! OF COURSE!
They danced with abandon! Shot into the air!
(A few found that they could do nothing but stare.)

“And just to make sure no one provokes our anger
“We will build a new weapon – the KA-BLEWIE-KER-BANGER!!
“The biggest! The best! An explosion so YUGE
“That when I say ‘Jump,’ no one will refuse!

“America, thank you for making this choice!
“People around the world heard your voice!
“You need have no fear, you need only agree
“You need only one thing, and that thing is ME!!”

That’s when we noticed the troops on the stage
The tanks on the street, all precisely arranged
The crowd was escorted in orderly lines
To buses and trains that all left … right on time.

when we returned from the hanging

when we returned from the hanging
we were giddy with bile and with blood
at last the rascals had met their fate
the triumph of justice & good
we screamed out our rage as they pleaded
we laughed at their piteous cries
we cheered as we watched their dangling feet
and rejoiced as each one of them died
we staggered home drunk with our righteousness
and stared as we opened the doors
the hangman’s men had raided our homes
and emptied out all of our stores

Yoga in a toga (limerick)

A Roman clad only in toga
Attempted to do hatha yoga
Things were going quite grand,
Till he tried shoulder stand
With results that were crude, crass, and vulga.