It was a beautiful day, January two-zero
When the masses converged for their conquering hero.
There were flags, there were guns, there were babies in strollers
And long limousines full of happy high-rollers.
Jets flew overhead, and the music was cheery,
The people were proud. Some people were teary.
Some people were skinny, and others were fatter.
Some people were sad, but those folks didn’t matter.
There were huge TV screens all over the city
Showing pictures of mountains and other things pretty.
Pretty pictures of soldiers, pretty pictures of planes
Pretty pictures of cities devoured by flames.
A fanfare was played! The crowd gave a jump!
For there on the platform was Donald J. Trump!
He waved to the crowd! He held his thumbs high!
And the crowd as one man gave an audible sigh.
For here was the man who could save our great nation!
Even if things he said brought consternation
Even if there were questions about how he’d behaved
Who cared about that? Our land must be SAVED!
He strode to the podium! He repeated the oath!
His wife held the Bible! Then he kissed them both!
The crowd went bezerk! The crowd went insane!
For seventeen minutes they repeated his name!
“My fellow Americans,” the Donald declared,
“First let me say no one needs to be scared.
“I’m the President of everyone, right down to the last
“If you don’t know that now, you’d best learn it fast.
“We’re one country, one people, and I am your head.
“Those who don’t follow will soon wish they were dead.
“We salute just one flag, pray to only one God –
“The one who corrects with the staff and the rod.
“We’re gonna be strongest! We’re gonna be best!
“We’re gonna work hard, and we will not take a rest!
“No slackers! No malcontents! No one who bitches!
“No one who gets in the way of our riches!
“We’ll dig, and we’ll drill, and we’ll take apart mountains
“To build giant malls with beautiful fountains!
“My plans will be awesome! My plans will be bold!
“To start with, I’m plating the White House in GOLD!”
The crowd was ecstatic! They screamed themselves hoarse!
So simple! So obvious! So perfect! OF COURSE!
They danced with abandon! Shot into the air!
(A few found that they could do nothing but stare.)
“And just to make sure no one provokes our anger
“We will build a new weapon – the KA-BLEWIE-KER-BANGER!!
“The biggest! The best! An explosion so YUGE
“That when I say ‘Jump,’ no one will refuse!
“America, thank you for making this choice!
“People around the world heard your voice!
“You need have no fear, you need only agree
“You need only one thing, and that thing is ME!!”
That’s when we noticed the troops on the stage
The tanks on the street, all precisely arranged
The crowd was escorted in orderly lines
To buses and trains that all left … right on time.