Tag Archives: Trump

PLAUSIBLE NEWS: EXCLUSIVE TRUMP INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

PLAUSIBLE NEWS SERVICE
Staying Ahead of Reality since 2001

EXCLUSIVE TRUMP INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT

(Senior Reporter Otto B. True of the Plausible News Service was recently given the opportunity to interview Donald J. Trump in the Oval Office. Complete transcript follows.)

Interviewer: “So, how are you?”

Trump: “Great. Fantastic. America’s becoming great again, respect, trade deals, we’re stronger than ever…”

Int: “Indeed. But how are you?”

Trump: “Incredible. Poll numbers up. Rallies, great crowds at rallies. People are supporting me, great Americans, great people….”

Int: “Yes, but how are you? Yourself?”

Trump: “Amazing. Met with world leaders, fabulous people. Great round of golf last weekend. Great foursome…”

Int (leans in slightly, softens voice): “Yes, of course. But how is… Donald?”

Trump (hesitates): “Fine. Great. Great family, beautiful wife, kids are amazing, standing up for me, terrible witch hunt…”

Int: “I mean, how are you feeling these days?”

Trump: “Fantastic. Never better. Doctor says I’m the most fit man to ever hold the office. Thinks I should get out more, though, play more golf…” (chuckles)

Int (removes glasses, locks eyes with Trump, a penetrating gaze deep into his soul): “Donald. It’s okay, Donald… How are you doing? I mean, really…?”

Trump (chin quivers): “I… I…” (looks around the room, eyes begin to water) “It’s… so hard…”

Handler: “Thank you, that’s all. We’re done here.”

(transcript ends)

A Few Political Limericks

There once was a creature named Trump
Who thought everyone else was a chump
A vile little toad
Who on history’s road
Will be seen as no more than a bump.


The people who voted for Donald
Thought he was the rebirth of Ronald –
Imagine their surprise
When they open their eyes
And discover how they’ve been hornswoggled.


Let’s talk about Senator Mitch
An insufferable son of a bitch
Who will ruthlessly kill
Any motion or bill
That angers his buddies, the rich.


The Republican Speaker, Paul Ryan
Doesn’t care how many are dyin’
He will gut Medicare
Leave you dangling in air
And he has had quite enough of your cryin’.


Limericks about people in power
May keep you amused for an hour
But make no mistakes
That’s not all that it takes
To make the tyrannical cower.

Notes for a Manifesto

The mere removal of Donald Trump from office through impeachment as per Article 2 of the Constitution, or even simply relieving him of his Presidential duties as per the 25th Amendment, would be insufficient remedy.

  • The flawed electoral system that allowed him to assume the most powerful elected office on the planet would still be there.
  • The corrupt socio-political-economic system that produced him and made him a “success” would still be there.
  • The cynical power brokers who thought it would be a good idea to install him as President would still be there.
  • The greedy, shortsighted economic interests that thought his Presidency would be a good thing for their bottom lines would still be there.
  • The ideologically driven right-wing media/propaganda system that deceived and beguiled Americans into supporting him would still be there.
  • The deliberately-crippled educational system that produced the people that either supported him or apathetically stayed away from voting would still be there.

They could do it all again. And next time it could be even worse.

They must all be repaired, reformed, transformed, replaced, or demolished.

National Anthem (revised)

Oh say can you see
In the morning’s stark glare
What a horrid mistake
We have loosed upon the world?
At whose hair and broad ties
We can do naught but stare
On the TV each night
As each headline is unfurled?
And his raucous mad blare
As he punches the air
Gives proof if you look
That the man’s not all there
How long will that star spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the deceived, ruled by the depraved?

I’M AFRAID OF THE PRESIDENT

I’M AFRAID OF THE PRESIDENT
(with apologies to David Bowie)

Donny’s in the White House
No sense at the wheel
Uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh
He doesn’t need anyone
He doesn’t even pretend
Uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh
Donny’s in America

[CHORUS]

I’m afraid of the President
I’m afraid of his words
I’m afraid I can’t help it
I’m afraid I can’t
I’m afraid of the President
Donny’s in America
Uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh

Donny’s got his own plane
Donny wants to meet with the Kochs
Donny wants to grab ya
Donny thinks it’s all a joke
Uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh
Donny’s in America
Uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh

[CHORUS]

I’m afraid of the President
Uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh

Donny’s in the white house
Donny wants to hang out with stars
Donny combs his hair
And Donny wants nookie in cars
Donny’s in America, uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh
I’m afraid of Americans

God please help America
God please help America

[CHORUS]

Yeah, I’m afraid of the President
I’m afraid of his world
I’m afraid I can’t help it
I’m afraid I can’t
I’m afraid of the President

Donny’s an American
Donny’s an American
Donny’s an American, uh-uh-uh uh, uh, uh-uh uh-uh-uh

How It Ends for Donald

Dear Donald,

I have seen your end. It’s not pretty.

It happens at a rally, of course. One of those rallies that you love so much, that feed the gaping hunger in your soul. You are on a roll, and they’re loving it, they’re eating it up, you can tell them anything, promise them anything, ask them to do anything…

But then you slip. You get carried away by the moment, by the intoxicating power. Something comes out of your mouth that you didn’t expect. Something that breaks the spell. The roaring cheer that you expect doesn’t come. Instead, there is silence – an awful, awkward, painful … silence.

You look to your advisors, but they are staring at you, mouths agape. That wasn’t in the script, their faces tell you. You weren’t supposed to go there, not yet, it’s still too soon…

But you went there. And now the crowd is turning.

What happens next seems to be in slow motion. The Secret Service men come to surround you, guns drawn, faces grim, but it’s too late. The crowd has every exit covered. They swarm over the stage like a tsunami, bodies climbing over bodies, the faces that moments before were radiant with adoration now twisted into masks of betrayal and rage. They reach for you, grab at you, yank on your arms, clutch your pants, your feet… and the last thing you hear as you are lifted over their heads, as you feel your joints and tendons giving way, your fine clothes tearing, your heart exploding, is their chant:

“FAKER… FAKER… FAKER…”

THE PEACE AND JUSTICE FILES: EVERY NEW BEGINNING

It’s not often that a rock song nails a deep philosophical truth in a single pithy lyric… but that’s just what the band Semisonic did back in 1998, with their anthemic hit “Closing Time,” which includes this great line:

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

In this case, 2009 was that “other beginning.” Barack Obama’s Inauguration was the crest of a wave, a flowering of post-Bush “si, se puede” optimism that unfortunately was quickly squelched (let us not say “betrayed”) by his own centrist pragmatism and the Republicans’ petty, partisan obstreperousness.

So now here we are, at that beginning’s end – and a new beginning. On January 20, we will see what I am calling the “Dysauguration” of Donald J. Trump – as massive a perversion of the democratic process as the planet has seen since the emperor Caligula supposedly named his horse Incitatus to the Roman Senate.

I plan to see this event from a different perspective. By the time Mr. Trump intones the words “So help me God,” I’ll be across the border, in Canada. (You might want to join me, even if just in spirit, or just for the day. See the article “Vote With Your Feet?” on my website, skipmendler.wordpress.com.)

I’m taking advantage of this “new beginning” to stage a new beginning of my own. I am headed to Europe for an indefinite period, with two goals in mind.

One is to get involved with refugee assistance over there. I am aiming for the Greek Isles, but I might find that I can be useful elsewhere along the route. Ideally, I’ll be able to use my performing experience by hooking up with one of the groups like Clowns Without Borders that has been doing shows to entertain the kids in the camps, but I’m willing to do whatever. (Look up “refugee clown circus” for a raft of articles about what some folks have been doing already, and why.)

The other is to get some opinions and suggestions from activists and academics over there regarding what can be done to fix our broken system, and our fractured society. I am particularly interested in how they make multiparty democracy work, and how we might bring the American system more in line with European democracies in this regard. (See my September column, “Two Parties Are Too Damn Few.”) I also plan to attend the 2017 Global Greens Congress in Liverpool at the end of March.

At present, I’m thinking I should be away for six months to a year, maybe more, depending on what happens (and how long the money holds out). In the meantime, I intend to continue this column, but I’ll be focusing primarily on my experiences along the way.

I remain an “apocaloptimist”: I believe that things are about to get quite rough, but I also believe they will work themselves out in the long run. This particular “new beginning,” this onslaught called Trumpism, will run its course and eventually end, hopefully sooner rather than later, but end it will.

And then there will be more – and better – new beginnings on the way.