Commemorating Rush Limbaugh

Like him or hate him, you gotta admit that few Americans have had the impact on our political and cultural life that Rush Limbaugh has had. Now that he is reaching the end of his career, as well as the end of his days on Earth, I think it’s important that his contribution be recognized in a lasting and appropriate way.

I would therefore like to suggest to the medical community that pilonidal cysts, which as you may know kept Limbaugh from serving in the armed forces, be rechristened “Limbaugh’s disease,” and the cysts themselves be referred to henceforward as “Limbaughs.”

For example:

“Geez, Doc, what is that thing? Hurts like the dickens! And what a bad smell!”
“Well, Sam, I’m afraid you have a severely infected Limbaugh.”

“I had a really bad case of Limbaughs, but the surgeon did a great job, and now you’d hardly know they were there.”

“You need to get out of your chair from time to time, or else you might get a Limbaugh.”

All things considered, I think this is the least we can do, don’t you?

Song While Dying

song while dying

……………D
I hear the calling
…………….A
I hear the knocking on the door
…………..D
I fear I’m falling
…………………A
Soon I won’t be here anymore
………………..G
In these few moments
………….A
there’s far too much to say
………………..D
a song while dying
………A
will pass the time away

(chorus)
If you can’t see me
then feel me in your heart
if you can’t hear me
still believe me when I say
I will be watching
if that is possible at all
I will be watching
if there is any way

This separation
Just a temporary thing
Our preparation
For the joy forever brings
This place I’m leaving
Soon you’ll be leaving too
So in your grieving
Perhaps these words can comfort you

(chorus)

ACRES OF GREENS

I wrote these lyrics quite some time ago. The line “Sunflowers die in November” actually harks back to the presidential campaign of Alf Landon — but in the present context, it refers to the fact that even if Greens don’t win electoral campaigns, those campaigns still serve to spread our ideas around… and that is what’s really important in the long run.

The tune “Rosin the Beau,” of course, was also used as the base for the anti-nuke anthem “Acres of Clams,” written by Charlie King back in the days of the Clamshell Alliance’s campaign against the Seabrook nuke in New Hampshire.

ACRES OF GREENS
(tune:”Rosin the Beau”)

I’ve lived all my life on this planet
No other for us has been found
But we’ve taken our garbage & crammed it
In the water the air & the ground

The water the air & the ground
The water the air & the ground
We’ve taken our garbage & crammed it
In the water the air & the ground

The Earth & her creatures that suffer
You know they don’t suffer alone
When more people are finding life rougher
Being harried & worked to the bone

Harried & worked to the bone
Harried & worked to the bone
More people are finding life rougher
Being harried & worked to the bone

Our culture could use some reformin’
Its values, its ends and its means
So a new grassroots movement’s a-bornin’
That goes by the name of The Greens

That goes by the name of The Greens
That goes by the name of The Greens
A new grassroots movement’s a-bornin’
That goes by the name of The Greens

Of The Greens I am proudly a member
Green Parties are sprouting like weeds
They say “Sunflowers die in November” –
But not without spreading their seeds

No, not without spreading their seeds
Not without spreading their seeds
They say “Sunflowers die in November” –
But not without spreading their seeds

Now politics can disillusion
Where nothing is quite as it seems
But I think I have found my solution
Surrounded by Acres of Greens

Surrounded by Acres of Greens
Surrounded by Acres of Greens
But I think I have found my solution
Surrrrrrrrrrrrrounded by Acres of Greens

RED HOUSE DINER BLUES

(with apologies to Jim Morrison & The Doors)

RED HOUSE DINER BLUES

A-keep your elbows off the table, your eyes upon your meal
Keep your elbows off the table, your eyes upon your meal
Yeah, we’re goin’ to the Red House
We’re gonna have a real
Good BREAKFAST

Yeah, the waitress at the Red House always calls me HONEY
Yeah, the waitress at the Red House always calls me honey
She’ll scramble up an omelet
Or give ‘em to ya sunny

With a roll, baby roll (3x)
Let it roll, all day long

I wanna roll right up
You gotta fill my cup, all right
Roll, roll, roll, roll
A-thrill my soul
Ya gotta brewa cuppa java
Dunk dunk dunk
A dontcha eatcha no granola
Slop a bowla real chow
Chomp a crispy BA-CONK-CONK
Yeah, FRIED

Hash browns, lady – hash browns, lady
Serve ‘em up real brown, serve ‘em up real brown
Pass some syrup! Pass some syrup!
Right now!

Well I woke up this morning, I got myself some TOAST
And I woke up this morning, and I got myself some TOAST
Yeah, breakfast is important it’s the meal that matters most

With a roll, baby roll
Buttered roll, baby roll
Kaiser roll, baby roll
With a roll, all day long

DR. MANHATTAN BLUES

 (uptempo blues)

Jonathan Osterman was a scientist
Till a lab accident zapped him to bits
It took a little time but he pulled himself together
Now his skin is all blue and he controls the weather

(chorus)
He’s the man who knows
Just what is gonna happen
That’s why no one’s got the blues
Like Doctor Manhattan
No one got the blues
Like Doctor Manhattan

He can see the future, he still feels the past
Gets the two confused sometimes, it all goes by so fast
He isn’t really human, he isn’t quite a god
But he’ll love you like three men while he’s working in the yard

(chorus)

He likes going nakeys, he hangs out on Mars
Helped Richard Nixon win the Vietnam War
He’s wiped out all his enemies, transcended all his friends
But when you’re with Manhattan, baby, nothing ever ends

 (chorus)

That’s the Way She Shows Me She Loves Me

THAT’S THE WAY SHE SHOWS ME SHE LOVES ME
A “Blind Peanut Nicholson” song

It’s a quarter past two in the morning
I have managed to find my way home
But the living room light
Lets me know it’s all right
She is waiting for me all alone

So I open the door oh so quiet
She is sitting asleep in her chair
A rolling pin on her lap
Hope she’s enjoying her nap
And she won’t hear me creep up the stairs

“Just where do you think you’re goin’?”
Comes that voice that I so love to hear
“Throw those clothes in the wash
And go sleep on the couch
‘Cause you reek of tobacco and beer.”

That’s the way she shows me she loves me
She’s concerned for my welfare, you see
And when she berates me
I know she don’t hate me
I’m a right lucky guy you’ll agree

The buffet smells so inviting
I believe I might get a fresh plate
But she gives me that stare
That knocks me back in my chair
“You’re supposed to be watchin’ your weight.”

That’s the way she shows me she loves me
My well-being is her prime concern
‘Cause if she didn’t care
She’d get out of my hair
And let me slide into hell and just burn

She tells me I should be more active
To allay her heart attack fears
Though the best exercise
Would be between her thighs
And we haven’t had a workout in years

That’s the way she shows me she loves me
And she’ll love me until my last breath
If she keeps bein’ so kind
I might go out of my mind
That woman will love me to death

That’s the way she shows me she loves me
She’s concerned for my welfare, you see
And when she berates me
I know she don’t hate me
I’m a right lucky guy you’ll agree

DE FACTO DIVORCE

DE FACTO DIVORCE
a country song
by Mr. “Blind Peanut” Nicholson of Possum Claw, Arkansas

Meet Mr. & Mrs. McNeer
They have been together now for nigh on thirty years
But over that time their love has kinda died
And now things are getting kinda weird

The fire went out a long time ago
She no longer likes the places that he likes to go
She’s taken up hobbies that he don’t understand
This happily ever after hasn’t worked out like they planned

But they still have reputations to uphold
A couple of kids in college, a house that’s still unsold
So they’ve made an arrangement, rather than split
They’ve decided to be grownups and just make the best of it

Yes it’s a de facto divorce
They can’t tell the neighbors of course
But nobody has to budge and they won’t need a judge
For their de facto divorce

He’s made himself a mancave above the garage
Sometime sleeps in a hammock out in the back yard
And meantime she’s taken over the whole second floor
And she won’t have to listen to him snore anymore

Though their romance has come to an end
They still present themselves as the best of friends
They’re housemates, not bedmates, but no one’s at fault
Sometimes two hearts can just grow apart

Oh it’s a de facto divorce
It don’t have no legal force
But it’s cheaper and more quiet, some of you might like to try it
It’s a de facto divorce

Yes it’s a de facto divorce
They can’t tell the neighbors of course
But nobody has to budge and they won’t need a judge
For their de facto
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
For their de facto divorce